Bottled cold against his better judgment
Coca Cat
Cold cola. Warm fur. No room to negotiate, breathe, or blink.
Bottle Conditions
- Vessel
- Clear glass cola bottle
- Ticker
- $COCACAT
- Pressure
- Professionally contained under bubbles
- Temper
- Flat-faced and fully sparkling
- Tail
- Outside bottle jurisdiction
- Occupancy
- One entire cat
To Whom It Fizzes
Please stop asking how Coca Cat entered the bottle. He considers the question invasive and the answer obvious: gradually, with poor judgment. The glass is clean, the cola is cold, and his tail remains outside for administrative reasons. He receives no visitors before the bubbles settle. Complaints may be addressed to the cap, which is currently unavailable. Any knocking after lunch will be interpreted as a personal insult.
How It Happened
Inspection
Bottle judged empty until two irritated green eyes corrected the paperwork.
Squeeze
He entered by methods he refuses to explain without legal representation.
Carbonation
Bubbles gathered through the fur; his expression remained completely, professionally unimproved.
Labeling
A red band secured the middle and complicated every future escape attempt.
Containment
The bottle kept the paws; the open neck failed to retain the tail.
Two Operating Modes
Cold Comfort
He stays snug, carbonated, and visibly opposed to every part of the arrangement.
Hot Temper
One flattened stare can spoil an entire brightly stocked refrigerator aisle immediately.
Keep it cold. Keep your distance.